"There is nothing between us because I don't care."
I read that on the splash page of a photo blog yesterday, and it struck me as a useful guide to dating in the world today. Not just dating but to all relationships, I think.
I will tell you more about this photographer, Michael Maggid, in a bit. I have been blown away by some of his photography, but I want to write him before I report. His work is what my own should be, I think. I can do this, too. But again, more later.
It is 7:30 and I am ready for bed. I went for a run at four, popped some tendon in my left hamstring right away, limped home, and began to cook dinner. It was still daylight. I was required to go to an awards ceremony today and one of the factory Big Bosses made a crack about how I dressed. He looks like a cross between Regis Philbin and Joe Pesci, a Jersey Shore looking to go to New York, tone-on-tone motherfucker. I was livid but stood with my immediate supervisor and bit my tongue and cheek. I wanted to tell him sooooo badly. But just prior to his shit comment, some of the people I supervise dissed me, too, so I was already in a mood. Then the hamstring. It was a bad day all around if you count coming upon Michael Maggid's work. Nobody writes, nobody calls. . . I guess I'll go eat some worms.
I'll get back to the other stuff later. I'm just beside myself tonight. Oh. . . it is 7:30 and I've already had too much to drink, and it is dark, and so I am more than ready for bed. Hoping this makes sense. . . .
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ReplyDeleteI think that's a horrible quote.
I was up all night. Combinations of things. I opted out of drugs but drank Prosecco (half bottle) with my hairdresser. She wanted to drink to a Biden win - That Trumper - I said absolutely not. Cause that hadn't happened.
I toasted to us loving each other despite the fact that she was a deplorable. No. I didn't say that of course. But something like it. With hopes the country might adopt some of the same.
I was texting my three Jersey girl friends, who are on our side, while babysitting. I told them casually "I just got stoned. I'm babysitting." One quickly came back with "What are you a teenager?"
We used to steal weed from the parents of the kids she babysat for everyday after high school. That made me laugh.
I've been really weak minded. I just wanted someone - to tell me "everything will be okay, honey." Like T would have done for me. Over a decade of deeply caring for each other - of having each other's backs - well it was a gaping painful hole being alone during this fucking election.
But I'm going to try to take that lesson and use it somehow - to grow.
What happened at your physical? Please let me know. I'm sorry you have the feeling of being under pressure at all angles.
I'm here for listening and support. Cause you are my buddy boy. But also know you might not open up.
I've been to the Coumadin clinic with my Ma. I'm roasting the green tomatoes with onions. Found a recipe for Roasted Green Tomato soup. I need to soup - I've anxiety eaten all the pastry and my stomach feels like shit.
I've got a busy day. Dog has a haircut. I have a beauty appointment. Then babysitting again this afternoon. It's good. Keeps me from wallowing and/or watching the news. I haven't actually watched - just gotten updates from my brother who is watching carefully.
I'm not optimistic. But I haven't been about this for a long time.
Hope your Xanax brought you slumber. You'll need to shake it off this morning I'm sure.
Love you as best I can from all the way over here. x
ReplyDeleteThat photo is cold.
It may be "technically" something - but it isn't better or more than yours.
I dislike the coldness, actually.