Face It

I'm going to cry here for a spell.  It's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to.  I am beginning to believe in magic--voodoo in particular--for I am certain that I am a victim of some spell.  As I reported days ago, my car quit running as I was driving to the factory.  Two days ago, I payed the piper $1,400.00 to drive it again.  Yesterday morning, again on my way to the factory, the transmission wouldn't shift.  I took it back to the dealer.  $7,100.00 to replace the transmission, radiator, and catalytic converter.  But since I'm such a good customer, they will give me a break--$5,400.00.  The wholesale value of the car is $6,500.

I don't know what to do.  I looked at new cars online.  I looked at used cars online.  I hate cars, but I like mine.  I would get a newer one if I could find it, but they don't show up much in the package that I like.  One must make decisions.  One must act.

I may just pay for the repairs.  It is cheaper than getting another car.

That may be the stupid choice, but how can I know?  Everyone knows "a guy" and tells me not to let the dealer rape me, but I know what happens when you start taking your car to "a guy."  There is no end to that deal.  You are wed to him.  The car never is as good again.

Just so you'll know, if I do repair the car, I will have spent $20,000.00 in the past two months on repairs.  The house isn't completed yet.  And I still have a.c. problems.  The roof needs replacing.  And if I want to get real insurance, I need to update may electrical system.

I wonder what I did?  I wonder if I will do it again?

Every time I buy a camera, though, something happens.  Maybe I should sell all my camera gear.  I am surrounded by them.  Perhaps I am insane.

The rest of my life has followed my economic swirling down the drain, too.

"You need a vacation," they say to me at work.  "When's the last time you took one."

"Three years."

That isn't exactly true.  I went to New Mexico to attend a workshop last year and spent some days afterwards driving around the state.  But it doesn't really add up to a vacation.

"You need to go somewhere."

I do, it's true.  But if I did, something catastrophic would surely happen while I was gone.

At least today's photo is mine.  I just processed some film from the rodeo.  There are a couple images on the roll that are O.K.  I should have had this one in time to illustrate my identity politics post, but that is the way things go.

I slept late today, fitfully.  I woke with the cover twisted into a little ball.  It must have been a very active night.  I am disturbed, surely, though I am trying to appear normal and calm.  Cosmos and chaos.  Turn and face it or turn and run.  I don't run so well any more.  I think I know what I will do.