I've left the factory for the rest of the year. I couldn't face going in again without breaking apart, breaking down. I sit here this morning making the adjustment. Too many days of being an automaton leaves me off kilter. I will have to learn how to be "me" again.
It begins with a day of cleaning.
My study is a mess of photo shit. I will be playing host to my mother on Christmas Eve as she and Ili have planned their pajama party, so I must turn it into a habitat bedroom again.
I just want to walk with my camera in hand and get big balls for photographing people.
I guess I can't say "big balls" anymore. Pictures, however, reveal I had them as a child. I could post an example here if I had one readily at hand.
There is a reason they neuter dogs.
My pictures seem beautiful and meaningless to me. Little droppings in and of time. Bracketed. Insignificant. Monumental.
I am enamored with the foolishness of the past. Funny thing, I read today that Trump is now more popular than Hillary even with his 35% approval rating. Hillary gave us Trump. Trump gave us #MeToo. In a sense, Hillary won.
I have to go Christmas shopping now. Amazon. Must do it today in order to get things in time. Inevitably, I will buy things for myself as well. It is easier to buy for myself, of course. Today begins my Christmas season.
Why can't you say "big balls here?"
ReplyDeleteJust don't say it in a work environment where a female (or potentially another male) co-worker may feel uncomfortable about the language.
Sure it takes practice and loads of self-restraint but we can do it.
:)
I call my insignificant poems "dandruff of the brain" similar to "droppings." BTW I don't write anymore either. Except for here, at Q's place and sometimes on a forum.
Merry First Day of Your Christmas, C.S. Make it a good one - the world is shit. We have to make our own little pockets of goodness now. And give to charity and work for justice. I'm exhausted from it all.
Oh, I do "it" every day. I understand the social code. Part of my job is to enforce it. I argue against it, too, of course, but that is a losing battle.
ReplyDeleteI'll look for the picture :)