It finally happened. Last night, I broke. I hadn't until then. It had been a bad day. I had probably done too much, pushed myself too hard. I try. I don't want to be a burden, don't want to bring others down. But yesterday, I could hardly stand it. It happened after we got home from shopping. We were talking about last year's birthday. In our hotel room watching "I, Tanya," I got up and did a perfect double flying camel--into the wall, but still. It was a beautiful thing. I was beautiful. The memory of that, just one year ago, broke me.
And so now it has happened. We'll see how I go forward. I'm sure it happens to everyone who gets disabled by accident. Well, no one does it on purpose.
I'll be brave again today. I go to therapy this morning. I'll keep trying.
As Beckett's character cries, "I can't go on. I'll go on."
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! It must be soon or already.
Sounds like - in addition to your injuries you are suffering from some PTSD. I think that would be pretty normal.
My friend Brandon - who was in Tower 1 when the plane hit - escaped but barely - with burnt lungs and burnt hands that were almost amputated but thankfully his family got to the hospital before it happened - couldn't go to a baseball game or concert - still has reservations but has made much progress.
I'm sorry you are suffering. You gotta do your therapy - eat right - get your rest. Maybe you should try some acupuncture? Maybe some slow Tai Chi.
Anyway. Are you still beautiful inside? That's all that matters.
My insides are all smashed up, too. But I know what you mean. Thank you.
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