Sunday, April 26, 2020

Up and Adam



"Up and Adam."  What do people mean by that?  Is it a reference to the 1st man?  I just have never understood it completely.  I guess it is like rebirth every morning, right?

Just kidding.  My brain is eating itself.  Other than texting, FaceTiming with Q, watching t.v., and reading, all I have is rumination.  I am getting up later every day.  I wake up too early, as usual, but then I lie down again and don't get up until the sun is high in the morning sky.  Days are long.  I watch the clock and wait for bed.

I read two articles today about how Covid-19 is effecting people in places as varied as Hong Kong, New Orleans, and Afghanistan.  Hong Kong is the most expensive city in the world in which to live, so many people have subdivided apartments and live in less than 100 sq. ft. of space.  Cells.  Now that the parks are closed, they are stuck inside.  Loneliness.  Madness.  You wouldn't imagine that in Afghanistan, maybe, after all they have already suffered, but they, too, are experiencing much mental illness.  In New Orleans, people say life is like living with Katrina and post-Katrina combined.

I am beginning to believe that the difference between people who are democrats and those who are republicans is the fear of death.  Maybe liberals believe we can defeat it.  Maybe conservatives, like vampires, don't die.

I got a big delivery from the grocery store yesterday.  I remembered to get some wet cat food.  I put the de-worming medicine in it and mixed it up good, then gave it to the cat.  She ate a few bites and quit.  I guess that shit must taste pretty bad.  She didn't come for breakfast this morning.  She will have to live with worms in her gut and fleas on her skin as God intended.  Life isn't supposed to be comfortable and fun if nature has its way.  It is something to be gotten through, something endured.  Eating and sex are the only pleasures nature provides, and now that sex is death, I order more food from the grocery store and more liquor from the liquor store.  But the world's food supply is running out and liquor is not really our friend.  There is only opium and the opium for the masses.

I am thinking of becoming a Dervish.

What joy can I find today, Sunday, a day of rest?  I am thankful for the air conditioning.  I am thankful for functioning plumbing and a refrigerator that works.  I am thankful for cabinets full of food and liquor, for cable t.v. and a computer full of music.  And hell, man, (as Joe Biden, our next president if the #MeToo doesn't get him, would say), if that ain't enough for you, just take a look around!

Yup, I've got it made.  But, as my Jewish Russian Beautician says, you can cry in a Mercedes, too.

Fuck it.  I'm not crying.  I'm just sayin', yo.  Just sayin'.

1 comment:

  1. Jesus Christ. I smoked some foreign weed from the dispensary today - I have not been able to stop doing things - anything. Talking, texting, cleaning. Thinking. Looking at things. FUCK ME. Anyway. They were on sale for $11.25 a piece. Tutkon-something. I like them but I need to be able to be doing things - many different things cause I'm like an 18 month old in a playroom (it is the one diagram I really remember from a childcare book my mother gave me when I was pregnant with Sammy. It plotted the movement of a child at different months - and 18 months was like a fucking shit show and that could be me right now.)

    Ok. I'm calming down by writing. It is thunder and lightning out. Everything is so beautiful and green. Well what is green. We have no leaves on trees - just those hurtfully beautiful pink buds. All Mother Nature-y and stuff. Yup.

    I have been reading Tom's poems. I read and read and then my throat gulps up and my nose my eyes all puddles and my chest and heart get so tight i don't know how it is possible and I just can't go anymore. But it's good to do that. I'm glad about it. I need to do things with his work. He left it to me to continue it somehow - anyhow. So from time to time I hope it is okay if I do so. Leave something.

    "I am thinking of becoming a Dervish" lol.

    Thanks for the space. My heart has stopped racing. That shit is cray cray.

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