Thursday, May 21, 2020

White



I got my film back from the lab.  Not the film, actually, but the emailed jpeg scans of the film.  The film itself won't be here for awhile.  But I was wrong in my belief that I would be spending $60 on those rolls and only have one or two images I liked.  I was WAY off.  There are none.  There is nothing that I can even stand to look at.  And, indeed, only 24 of the 36 pictures turned out.  Of those 24, there are light leaks ruining 6 of them.

I think I am done with film that I send out to labs.  I can do black and white at home cheaply enough. But digital cameras do color fine.  They do black and white well, too.  So why fuck around with film?

Oh. . . you know.  It looks different, has a different feel.

Maybe I'll try it one more time.

I was giddy into yesterday morning after my late night sending out music the night before.  I ordered some shorts and some other things online from a Chinese clothing company over a year ago, and now I get ads for all sorts of strange clothing.  I send screen shots around to my friends.




"Which ones should I buy?" I ask.  I've been trying to get C.C. to buy the jumpers, but he keeps resisting.  I am a child.  Sending these as I did to SO many people yesterday had me in tears.  But then. . . .


I couldn't believe how much this made me laugh.  Oh, God, it has gotten so much better with time.  When I sent it to C.C., he sent this back.


And again. . . I had to change my pants.

This may seem unimportant to you, but it was the first time I'd laughed out loud for months.  Many months.  I used to laugh almost every day.  So it felt good.

So good, I didn't get away from my computer until noon.  A waste of the day?  Not in the least.  I felt elevated.

Not so much today.  I have been having nightmares.  I wake up to them and they continue.  They seem real.  Last night, I woke up to terrible pain.  Whatever I was dreaming made me spasm the muscles around my right hip and back so hard that something bad happened.  Maybe I was dreaming that I was getting run over again.  I don't know.  But I couldn't get back to sleep after that, or rather, when I did, I woke up in pain right away.  I am in pain this morning.  Something is out of place or some nerve impinged.  Today is not going to be as much fun as yesterday.

I have not worn anything but t-shirts and elastic waisted shorts since before the Corona lockdown began.  Mostly I have worn Hanes V-neck t-shirts that Ili bought me after the accident.  They were the only shirts I could put on.  I have lots of them.  Yesterday, I ordered more from Amazon.  I guess that is a recognition that I won't be going anywhere for awhile.  I wonder what the neighbors think, though?  They see me every day in the same thing.  I am like a meme.

You know, I probably should have ordered some colors rather than more white.

Selavy.

4 comments:



  1. If you go to wife beaters - post a photo.

    Am I allowed to say that? "wife beaters?"

    I started "Mrs. America" last night after the Birthday Party. I was glued and I have just two episodes left. Cate Blanchett is amazing. I have grown to love Rose Byrne as Gloria. They are all good - well I think. I am hesitant to say anything with authority regarding TV, film, etc. This is an opinion piece only.

    I texted my two besties who recommended it (we have been friends from Lake Hiawatha Elementary School - K - 6) that I loved it and we reminisced about wearing "Ms." T-shirts - because Mrs.Smith and Mrs. Lalacatta wore them. What a little progressive enclave we were. Mostly Jewish - mostly NYC workers - lots of people in the "rag" business fabric - fashion - shoes - leather - jewelry. Some of the homes my friends lived in were straight out of the best of the 70's - foil wallpaper - Eames loungers - white knoll tables and chairs - shag rugs.

    Anyway.

    Too bad about your nightmares. Maybe try some meditation before bed. If you don't.

    My carrots have sprouted - I need to weed around them. I have tomatoes to put in, zucchini and beans to plant. Just thinking about slicing that first tomato - then eating it with a little Hellman's and salt. YUM. Be a while tho.


    I really want to just nap in the sun.......

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    1. No, I think these v-necks are just the thing for me. I do look mighty good in them :)

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  2. I did have a pair of parachute pants with all sort of flaps and zippers etc in the 80s. Wore them once too often to the factory. Had a purple Prince jacket too – but it has always been pretty much the same for me – black, black, black on black and black hat.

    It is not a fashion statement; I am lazy and do not wish to trouble myself about what color of socks to wear in the morning.

    There is even more music where that came from. PSY is K-pop, which can go all kinds of sideways like Orange Caramel’s "Catallena" or Stellar’s “Vibrato”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOmTdFpIDX8

    I watched tons of J-pop during my two sojourns in Japan. I recommend the Lolita goth girl groups for you and videos of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu like “Pon Pon Pon” are drug trippy enough for Q.

    I have been explored avenues of getting to spend at least a half year at a time in Japan. The rhythms there suit me and I have never felt as home anywhere else, although I am aware of the underlying racism and I will always be an outsider. Still. There is much to be said for a place that produces music like Nogizaka 46 and at the same times the old districts in Kyoto and Nara.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt6XXo0FaQA&list=TLPQMjEwNTIwMjDVgrvIZozXvw&index=2

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvfYD93HSSw

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    1. I'm picturing you in your parachute pants right now, jumping around as you move to the videos you have posted.

      They were comfortable, weren't they?

      I'll confess to having bought a jump suit when I graduated from high school. I bought it at a men's store. It was two toned. The salesman was very encouraging. I'm sure he never believed he'd be able to sell that thing.

      I wore it once, and not for very many minutes. I've been disenchanted with men's clothing stores ever since.

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