The cat didn't show up for breakfast yesterday. When she didn't show up for dinner, I figured the coyotes got her. She showed up later, however, and I fed her just a little bit to show my disapproval. She wasn't very hungry, though. She is obviously eating elsewhere.
Story of my life.
But I read this today, and I know I will not get any dates talking about my cat (link).
I went out walking with my Rollieflex yesterday and shot three rolls of film in the dingy haze of a brutal Florida summer that includes Saharan dust. I will take them to the lab when the photo store opens. I love that old camera now after having had it for many, many years. Funny how that goes. If the pictures from yesterday do not wow me, though, who knows? Things could change.
I know a lot of people question why I take photographs and why I write. Well. . . (link). I've read Montaigne's essays, and I think what I liked most about them is that he made his own journals. He cut the paper and decorated the pages by laboriously drawing borders with colored inks. Fascinating.
I was woken this morning by excruciating pain shooting through my lower back. No matter how I moved, I couldn't make it subside. I got up in the dark. No luck. Was it my back, I wondered, or was it something worse? The pain is still with me as I write. I will take a walk in a bit and see what happens. I know pain. I promise you, this is pain. It takes my joy level down many notches. You know, the joy of living an isolated life in the Time of Corona. But that life will seem much more tolerable, if not delightful, if this pain subsides. All of life is like that. Context.
Well, my back is killing me. I can't sit here any longer. I am going to have to go look for a dealer selling morphine. If that doesn't work, I guess I'll try heroin.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to be somewhere. And that's funny cause "Here" where I am is where plenty of people want to be. And are arriving. Without quarantining for the 14 days all the signs ask them to do. Usually I don't want to leave the Cape this time of year.
All I can think of is leaving the Cape. Even just for a 4 day escape.
Maybe the Catskills - where my Pop's people settled when they arrived from Austria. I spent many hours driving from NJ to NY around there with him as a kid. Trying - for him - to refind - all the family places in order to show us - me and my brother.
Or the Adirondacks. or I've always wanted to see Mackinac, Michigan. or the Dells in Wisconsin. I have not explored those areas.
or I'd be Anywhere in Maine.
We know how that "want" will go.
Nowhere.
And I shall try not be so selfish. and find joy here. i will.
I read that Montaigne's article yesterday. I think c.c. taught me about him.
Myself— “bashful, insolent; chaste, lustful; prating, silent; laborious, delicate; ingenious, heavy; melancholic, pleasant; lying, true; knowing, ignorant; liberal, covetous, and prodigal”—
“I cannot keep my subject still. It goes along befuddled and staggering, with a natural drunkenness.”
I smoked a blazing joint last night between hanging inside the she shed and the back deck. It was so quiet and I was so alone.
I let the dogs chase the rabbits that are setting up "Watership Down" in my yard. I tried to read - I tried to write. I tried music. I texted the G.B. for some interaction. Nothing worked. i almost got in the car - but where would I go - in the dark?
Hope your back feels better soonest.
I'm glad the cat showed up. I was going to post another poem - any one of the many that include the cats and especially the kittens that were so much a part of my life with T - that he captured in words.
He liked to write about me and teacups too. Him being the hill billy from the holler. He used get a kick out me - and laugh at me and my always trying to make things nice for him.
But I just spent an hour reading those poems. And we know how that always turns out.
I have to grocery shop for Ma today. I will wear my new shield.
ReplyDeleteOh I found a poem. Though it has nothing to do with kittens. I'm looking through all his America poems. He often wrote history before it happens - because he loved history and well.... it often repeats is self.
He really never held back for fear of any type of criticism or being excluded etc. This one made me giggle today. Footnote included and penned during I guess Lil Bush.
A commentary on the constitution, or rush limbaugh's Cigar
The thought occurred to me
while I watched my lover suck my cock
that the fat little boys with foul mouths
who wanted to be in charge
always had tiny little dicks,
there is I suppose
a sort of natural aristocracy
among boys
and it seems to carry over
to the men they become,
I mean Scotty became a preacher
down in Texas under the hot sun,
and Chipper a millionaire
who gave up drinking after awhile,
Harry sold insurance for a few years
but gave it up for cons,
Larry was the fat kid,
who drove trucks with his large hands
and was always holier than thou
despite his foul mouth and long cigars,
I heard he beat his wife
but still went to church
he inherited all his father’s meager wealth,
since his brother Bobby went to Alaska
to work on the pipeline
and never did come home,
I suppose it’s just as well,
the way things turned out.
http://press-pubs.uchicago.edu/founders/documents/a1_5s21.html © 12 years ago, Tom E. Brady
You should go to Florida. I hear its the Sunshine State,
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