Friday, June 12, 2020

Nothing Matters



I forgot to charge my computer last night.  I only have 9% charge left, so I am writing quick(ly).  Here's another people-less picture in my series of people-less pictures.  It is grand.  It is rich.  

Apparently, people aren't interested.  But I am starting to see Hopper in them.  Tropical Hoppers.  But back up, bud.  I'm self-aggrandizing here.  

Still, all I've been photographing is the light.  I have learned much about light these past few months.  Few?  It has been four months of isolation, five of retirement, six without my own true love.  Almost six, anyway.  What else have I had but the light?  

My days have become compressed.  I get up, make coffee, read the news which is more than ever an irritating mistake, write the blog and some correspondences, stretch my legs as I walk the grounds, come in and dress for a brief workout and/or a long walk, come home to shower and make lunch, usually with wine which makes me sleepy enough to take a nap, get up mid afternoon or later, go to my mother's for happy hour, come home to make dinner and listen to the opinions that pass for news these days, find something to read or watch on television, often some YouTube documentary, have a final scotch, and go to bed.  That is what I've done for the past five months.  

WTF?

I have probably burned through three tanks of gas in that time, almost all of it from traveling back and forth to my mother's house.  

It doesn't seem that things will be changing any time soon.  It is weird, though, that when I am on the road or on my walk down the Boulevard, things look normal.  People are shopping and eating out, most not wearing masks.  But when I talk to people I know, they are not going out, are physically distancing and not going into crowds.  Are we the only ones?  Kids certainly aren't distancing.  Hundreds of thousands of protesters aren't.  Do I only know paranoids or people who can read and comprehend?  

But I understand.  I am sick of my solo existence.  I wish to go to a coffee shop or cafe.  I wish to talk to strangers and hear their tales.  I would love to sit at the bar of my favorite lunchtime restaurant and have a big bowl of ceviche and a drink.   Others do.  Why not I? 

I want to photograph a person again.  I don't care what people think of that.  They are wrong.  Human structures are sometimes interesting, but people always are.  

And, of course, the light.  

Power is almost gone.  The red Low Battery warning just came up.  There is some speed writing for you, a first draft of nothingness.  #NothingMatters.  #NoThingsMatter.  

2 comments:





  1. Oh. "Own" true love. I read it as "One." Is it the same?

    See - I've only had one - true love. Many lovers - a husband - but only One True Love. Are we entitled to a second "One?" - in this only life? I mean if you lose the One to circumstances truly beyond your control?

    It is hard to fathom being blessed enough a person to get a second One True Love.

    People say it can happen. See you - make me go all crying and weeping and shit. Cause I just don't think it will ever happen again - how could it?


    Sigh.


    I keep smiling at people with my mask on. I keep forgetting.

    Big retail opens today. Hannah told me I must try - that we are doing ok - I must try to become part of the world again. "Grandma will be safe as long as you are safe." I haven't the heart to give her my "safe is a fake word" speech.

    Alas - I shall attempt to try.

    What that means - I haven't a clue. There is no OTL to smother with affection. That's really what I'm best at - or maybe happiest doing. Heaven knows - I don't need anything from the store except food from time to time - some liquor. I didn't ever really go out to dinner - or bars. Except when people visited and who knows when people will do that again. Or I was on an adventure with MOTL. But mostly we liked to just stay home and be together. We didn't need the World too much - except for what we wanted to do together in the World.

    "Never thought I'd ever be so lonely
    After such a long, long time"

    Ok. Enough of the maudlin Lisa. Sniff up the snot of sadness. Buck up. Go forth and be bold.

    The pink peonies are here. I can't keep my face out of them. I cut two one day - and a third yesterday (because three is really the right number never 2) . The tomato vines smell heavenly too - when watering and bending down to pick out the leaves that don't belong. The zucchini sprouted yesterday. Next will be the stella d'oro lilies - tiger lilies.

    I rolled out the jute rug - layered it over the Oriental in the L.R. - yesterday - summer look - lighter - beachier - also got out the lighter slip covers for the club chairs -that took a lot of energy and muscle - lifting all the furniture out to accomplish the task. And then of course - returning the furniture to its slightly different set up. A bit of a twist here or there - angled a bit more - pulled in closer for intimate conversations. I dusted the pollen from the surfaces - there will be more of that to do - pine coming any minute. I am thinking of painting the powder room.

    I had hoped to sleep like a stone - but didn't. Tossed and turned. Up at 2, 3:30 and 4. I need some stronger indica weed. Mostly I do hybrids but I need to get straight up indica for night.

    The rain finally came. It is supposed to blow out and be decent later on. Oh my! Chip or Dale just jumped into my bird food can. I left the top on the ground by accident.

    Off I go to end the chipmunks dream that they have found Nirvana.


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    1. I've had many true loves and not so many lovers. But I miss my one true love.

      "Safety First."

      "Take that sign down. Kids, safety is important, but it certainly shouldn't be first."

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