Cold weather here is damp. The chill goes straight to your bones. It seems impossible to get warm. I know your temperatures are lower, but man, my friends and family from the north come here and freeze this time of year. It gets drier in the winter and is fine. But last night. . . I simply could not get warm.
And the skies were cloudy all day.
Weather effects my mood disproportionately. I'm a moody fellow to start with, but I am good at hiding that when needed. But when the weather turns cold and cloudy and wet, I go to pieces. My body hurts, too.
All I can do is wait for the sunshine.
Sounds like a bad pop song.
I will need to make soup. Making and eating soup in this weather helps. Start with some stew beef, then add cabbage and potatoes and carrots and onions, and let them stew all day. Then, sometimes, I cheat with frozen vegetables, those mixed kind with all sorts of things that need not cook long. When I am done, there is far too much soup, but I end up eating it over the next several days. With good, crusty bread.
Mmm. I must make soup.
But not today. My mother wants pizza tonight. So she said. I don't know. I may make the soup anyway. It is a soup day. We can still have pizza. I will give her a choice. She loves my soup.
That's all I've got. I have gone nowhere. I have done nothing. Nothing has happened to me. I have no thoughts. I do what is necessary. It seems overwhelming.
Sounds like you could use a good book. I have been slogging through "Crowds and Power." It is easy to put down and pick up again. Every once and a while Canetti says something astounding like this: "Guilt was originally the same as debt. (In German there is still only one word for them both.)"
ReplyDeleteI'm also reading "The Best American Short Stories 1971." The '70's make a lot more sense to me than the present and for that reason I find the stories comforting.
I'm reading "The Lincoln Highway" by Amor Towles.
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ReplyDeleteWhat a fabulous photo. I would hang it in my kitchen in a hot minute.
I know that Florida, strange, cold. I've experienced it visiting my fam. You look at the temp and say "how can I feel so cold when it is 54 degrees? Back home I'd be getting on my shorts.."
I have been attempting winter acclimation.
I go out every day - rain or sun or clouds - or temp. For at least 30 minutes. And walk or sit in the air and let its own being, permeate me. Become part of me. Everything - the changing leaves, the wind, the sunlight - this morning some frost.
For a long, long time, after moving here, I suffered terrible from SAD. One or two years - debilitatingly so.
I'm reading -- one hundred things. And then nothing. When it all gets to be too, too much, I cannot go on. Every little word feels like it is rubbing against my nerves.
Sometimes, I get worked up into a whirl. Everything feels exposed -- all my nerves. Everything is a sensation bigger than I can handle.
Especially when engaged in art.
I believe I suffer from some disease. The movie sent me spinning. Out of control.
Grabbing & reaching for everything in my life that vibrated with beauty and pain and suffering and love. Spinning and spinning. Me and those things.
It's better to be able to live it out than hold it in and have it make you more mad than you already are.
And yet - there are times when there is no space for living it out - it seems -- I try the woods. The beach. Driving. Weed.
I've always had a difficult time getting it to stop --- I admit it -- I require a ballast from time to time to help me get back to a balance that is acceptable for living in society. :P
Fucking koo koo bird. Sigh.