Tales from the Crypt

Look at that!  4x5 color film that I shot on the big assed Liberator and processed myself!  What?  Could I have done that with a digital camera?  Uh. . . probably.  But it wouldn't have cost anything.  This film is now costing me $6/sheet.  And the effort of making the photo would not have been there.  Hauling that big f'ing camera around isn't really fun.  But. . . look at that!  I did that all on my own.  No labs.  I can shoot 4x5 color film in the morning and scan it that night.  Not quite instant, but quick.  

It's stupid, I know, but it somehow feels special.  And truly, this was merely a test shot to see how I could handle 4x5 color.  I am going to lunch today with C.C. and another friend from the factory, and I will make a photo of them in the parking lot of the restaurant.  Excited?  You will never see the photo.  Still. . . it is a test I hope to pass.  My guess is that people won't get excited about some dude photographing them with a digital camera, but with a big assed weird one. . . maybe.  It IS somehow special.  

I hope, anyway.  I am preparing to become more aggressive about photographing people. . . I think.  The most challenging thing is me and my cojones.  Mine seem to have shriveled, and it will take a big set of pumpkins to approach strangers for a portrait.  Not random, really, but for my long-intended "American Work/American Leisure" series.  

Yea, yea, yea.  

But I am still considering buying a "medium format" digital camera.  Can you help?  Sure you can.  Just leave your pledge dollars in the comment box.  

Maybe I should start a "Go Fund Me" page.  

But I'll need some photos and a photo webpage first.  There is so much to be done.  

Or. . . I could just use my phone.  

My thinking on this, though, is that people won't line up to have their pictures taken with my iPhone.  It is a shame, really.  

My sleep mechanism seems to be broken.  For the second night in a row, I woke up every hour and finally gave up and got out of bed at 4:30.  I don't mind getting up early.  I just would like to sleep uninterrupted.  I don't know what's changed.  Or maybe I do.  

Leaving the Crypt of the Living Dead has taken a lot of physical and emotional energy.  I've had to make big changes, all on a bad knee.  The steroid shot has not cured me.  The lightning bolts of pain are gone, for the most part, but the constant pain is still there.  I limp and cannot walk very well or far.  My longing to go to visit my friend in Yosemite is now merely a longing.  I need to get this taken care of soon.  Knee replacement total recovery is around three months, I think.  I need to be able to walk far and wide with big ass cameras.  I want to travel.  Travel will cure much of my emotional and mental anguish, I hypothesize.  Without a good knee, I cannot really get far from the crypt.  

What I need to know, however. . . is there really a good reason for living?  

But that is a bigger question for other times.  First, I need to sleep. 

Dry January is over and done.  I got a text from my buddy last night.  "We did it!" she said.  We were the only two that I know who made it.  I may have a glass of wine at lunch today. . . but I don't know.  I feel so clean and pure right now, so utterly. .  . something.  I'm afraid, however, if I continue on, I will become righteous.  And you know what they say--God loves a sinner.  

I hope and pray.  

Daylight approaches, a mere 45 minutes away.  What to do?  Well. . . there are other things to write, and I have plenty of scanning that needs to be done.  Let me hear from you.  Any contribution will help, but as always, the bigger the better.  

For now, I remain yours in loving friendship. . . C.S.