Abandoned Again

I need to get outside myself and write about something else today, but I am stymied.  It seems I am all I know right now.  That isn't good.  I need to take up a field of study, something new to me like botanical gardens or meteorology.  I've forgotten almost all the philosophy I've read, which is probably a good thing.  There are many histories to study in these turbulent times, but that field is overcrowded as it is.  By and large, people have become abhorrent to me.  The natural world seems to maybe be the thing.  

The cat is gone.  She has not been around for a long time now.  I fed her for seven or eight years.  There was nothing more I could do for her.  When I sit out on the deck now, I will not have my usual company.  The neighbor's cat doesn't come around much for awhile, and when he does, he acts very strange.  He spooks easily.  I suspect coyotes got the feral and the domestic cat is aware of the danger.  I don't understand the laws against killing the coyotes given that they kill pets and are not a native species.  They are, in a Trumpian vision, illegal aliens.  The city, county, and state do nothing to prevent them, but they will certainly jail your cat or dog if it is running about unleashed.  The logic escapes me.  

I keep wondering how a bull mastiff pit would do against a coyote.  Of course the pit could never catch a coyote.  They are a marvel to drive behind when they are running.  There is a terrible beauty in it.  

But the cat is gone and I dreamed of her last night.  I just now remembered.  I was walking by a retention pond and she and the neighbor's cat were there catching minnows.  Ahhh, I thought, she has food.  

The day breaks wet.  Dreary after Christmas weather.  The world seems weary.  We'd better do something quick.  Shit's fucked up.