Slings and Arrows

O.K.  Even Q has started to mock me and my photographic skills now.  It is hard to get a break, especially if you concede weakness.  I've been slow in starting a new project and haven't perfected any skills as of yet.  I am pregnant with ideas, though.  I am just short on time.

But that's the nature of things--or simply nature.  Nothing wants to fight for a kill.  Every species chooses and easy prey, the sick, the lame, the injured. . . .  You don't see polar bears fighting gorillas.  O.K.  Bad example.  But a hunting lion always chooses the easiest target.

I've become an easy target.

I once knew what I was doing.  A young, single, blind girl wearing a wedding dress and a mask and staring with unseeing eyes into the camera?  Brilliant!

But I can capture the sad weirdness of life again.  I know I can.  You'll see.

I just need time.  And more money.  Lots of money.

My friend says I should quit making photos and try to market the ones I have.  Maybe she is right.  They have done me no good so far.  I might start with a fire sale and try to get rid of as many of the large prints as I can at bargain basement prices.  But that is not exactly what she means.  I don't want to go out and talk to gallery owners, though, and try to perp my own work.  I would be argumentative and sullen at the very best in such a situation.  I might be violent at worst.

I will try again today to shoot with the Monochrom.  I will go to the gym before work so that I will have my afternoon and evening free.  I will have no company tonight, no commitments or obligations.  Perhaps I can get one picture somehow.  

But that is too much pressure.  I've set myself up for failure, exposing my insufficiency and doomed to disappointment.

Did I tell you about Lillet and my seafood stew?

I'll just have to suffer the slings and arrows of old Double Dick until I find a formula for success once again.  Until then. . . .