Sunday, May 21, 2017
Of Money and Desire
I sit here this morning looking at my Hasselblad 500 C/M camera with its Planar 2.8 Carl Zeiss lens, but what I want is the new Fujifilm GFX 50S medium format digital camera. The same setup, camera and lens, would cost about $8,000. I also have a Sonnar 150mm lens sitting on the table. To get that lens for the GFX would be another $2,200. So, for somewhere just over $10,000, I could have the same setup, only digital. I want it bad.
I want a Leica Monochrom, too, so much so that I bid on one the other day. It was the newest one. They are selling for $7,000 new, over $5,000 used. I bid $3,150. I was the top bidder for two days and I started to get nervous. I don't have the money. The camera eventually sold for $4,400. That is a big steal. I wish I had bought it. Again, however, I couldn't pay for it.
So I sit here with all kinds of camera envy.
The easiest and most lovely camera to use that I have is the Fuji 100F. People stop me in the streets wanting to look at it. But the Leica M262 that I own (and got for a song) makes a better image. I have been trying to shoot more with it. However, I want the Leica M10. And while I have a perfectly wonderful Summicron 50mm lens on it, I don't like the way it looks. I can get one that I do like for just over $1,000. The quality would be just slightly better, I think, but the lens is just prettier. I am like that. I am exactly like that.
Confession is good for the soul. But I'll be careful. I don't want to confess everything. Too much confession will land you someplace you didn't mean to go.
I had all sorts of plans for yesterday. I was going to cull my recent photo collection, organize the files, make some small prints, etc.
Instead, I went to the gym, came home and had lunch with a glass of wine, then took a long, long nap from which I never completely woke. I took a friend a Cohiba cigar from Cuba and ran into another friend on the way back. Then I went to a fish restaurant and drank two margaritas with dinner. And then I came home and crashed.
We, I should say.
Summer came rushing hard yesterday with high temperatures and humidity. There is only one way to beat this kind of heat--water. Not to drink, but to be in. I may buy a kiddie pool to sit in. I have done that before. It works like anything. Adiabatic cooling, it is called. Evaporation takes the heat inside your body and disperses it. You can seriously get hypothermic on a very hot day.
Of what would I take pictures, though? I mean, I know what I want to do. I also know of the incredible constraints.
If I could make just one picture like the ones I want to make today. . . . If I could only be allowed to make one, you would all be in love with me again, or hate me, but your reaction would be strong. How I burn to make one.
As Clint Eastwood playing John Huston says in "White Hunter, Black Heart,"
"Sometimes you just have to do the wrong thing."
And I wonder why I'm not always understood.
at 4:46 AM