Sick weekend. Did little. Watched Ili pot some plants, put some in the garden. Bought more bird food, hangers. Whistled to the birds. Watched the Monarch, Little Chrissy, mate. She has stayed around and is feeding. We are certain it is her. She will give us more Monarchs. More bird species come. A hummingbird hung around a long while. The cardinals become more tame. The squirrel who built the nest is starting to get thick. I spread fertilizer on the lawn and shrubs, then sprayed Miracle Grow. It is. Barely ate. Drank tea. Slept. Did nothing.
I wait to see what will happen. The future is uncertain. Mine. The roofing contractor has not called me back. Everything is problematic.
I must give up if I am to go on, just give up on many things. There is me, and there is the world. The world is great. I grow smaller and more alone. It is what happens.
I sent this article to Q (link). He is reaching the vicinity of "a man of a certain age," so to speak. Ili tells me I am such a man and that laws protect me from physical attack. I will get a t-shirt that says so.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteIt's NaPoMo month. I have written something (finally) but it is not worthy of posting. So I'll leave you with one of my favorite poems by William Stafford.
A Ritual to Read to Each Other
BY WILLIAM E. STAFFORD
If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.
For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dike.
And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.
And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider—
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.
For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give — yes or no, or maybe —
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.
Live on my friend. Keep learning your bird calls. It's what we've got.
People are only clear at their convenience. The darkness IS certainly deep :(
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