A New Reality

Another shock to the system.  I came face-to-face with reality yesterday.  It is only months until I retire, months more of working and pulling a fat check each month.  O.K.  I knew that.  But there are unused vacation days I must either take advantage of or lose.  Well, Buddy, I'm not the sort to lose vacation days, so I had my secretary calculate them for me.  Turns out I have months of vacation left. MONTHS.  In essence, if I want to use them, I won't be going back to work.

Now I know that sounds like good news, even better than good.  But the truth is, I like my job.  I have never disliked it.  I've never wished I didn't have it.  After the calculation, my secretary looked at me and teared up.  She doesn't want me to go.

The drive home was weird.  I began thinking of all the things I must do, going through my files and personal belongings, deciding what to throw away, what to give away, what to keep.  There is memorabilia, little gifts given to me here and there in an over four decade career.  It will take me days.  I must begin immediately.

I felt weightless driving home, floating.  I think I was in shock.

You know it is coming, but you don't think it will ever arrive.  Whatever it is.  The future.  No matter what I say or have said, I like stasis.  Once comfortable, why change?

I don't want to bore you with the rest.  I am trying to wrap my mind around it still.  I have driven that sixteen mile stretch of road to work tens of thousands of times.

I will drive some other roads now.

It is exciting and disorienting.  Now I'll be faced with succeeding.  I won't be able to blame my lack of creative success on anything but myself now.