Welcome to Winter. Today is the shortest day of the year. There are all sorts of planetary events you can read about in the newspapers today. It is the beginning of a new Age of Aquarius. According to Mr. Fixit who is astrologically inclined, things are going to get much better for me.
Either the old age didn't end so well or the new one didn't begin as predicted. I had a horrible night. I don't believe I slept. At one point, I turned to the clock and read that it was 4:30. Well, I thought, I've had quite a bit of sleep. Later, I turned and looked again. It was 1:30. My eyes aren't so good any more. I got up and took half a nerve pill. What was happening in my head wasn't something anyone would want. But the nerve pill never really took hold, at least not much. Maybe a little. I didn't sleep but the dreaming was a bit less traumatic. I'd dream and wake, dream and wake.
I guess tonight will be the longest of the year. These long nights are killing me.
I have much work today, work that Mr. Fixit left. Yesterday I painted the railings on the stairs he rebuilt. I didn't like it. Today I must deal with the stacks of old stairs left in the yard. I am stymied as to what to do with it. I have fellows coming to pressure wash the house tomorrow, so I have major amounts of materials to move and to haul. After that, I will see how much painting must be done. I don't want to do any of that, either.
I am ready to hire a contractor.
Oh, and after watching all those pole vault videos, I headed out to the track. I need to lose some weight if I want to look like those girls. I went out to do some gentle interval running. I limped back to the car. My knee and calf feel as if they need surgery this morning.
I switched to yoga videos last night. They inspired me. I did some stretching and cut off the scotch and switched to herbal tea.
My back is killing me this morning, too.
Could that have been the cosmos' last beat down of me for awhile? Could this really be the Age of Aquarius? Might I truly come into a little luck?
I will buy lotto tickets tonight. I'd like millions, but I would be happy with enough to cover my house repair costs and my losses in the market. I'm not greedy. I just need some help.
I haven't been able to bring myself to watch any Christmas shows nor listen to any carols, hipster or otherwise. Too afraid. Everything scares me now. I have never been this low.
I just went to read my horoscope. Here is what I found.
You might think that by giving yourself boundaries you'll give yourself more self-discipline. This is definitely not the case, though, especially today when you'd be better off just letting yourself go. Enough with the self-imposed restrictions. You need some more freedom in your life, and you should give yourself that freedom. Don't schedule everything down to the minute. Leave room for spontaneity and last-minute ideas. They're usually the best, anyway.
AND. . . I found this!
When looking at the upcoming astrology, 2020 will be the worst year for these three zodiac signs: Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius.
I TOLD YOU!!! It was! How do they know these things? You know, I don't believe in this stuff at all. It is like a mentalist's trick, though. I mean, when I read the personality characteristics for my sign, it is pretty much spot on. Spooky.
I tried to find an appropriate photo to illustrate today's post, but I couldn't. I haven't taken a single photo in over two months. Maybe in the new year. 2021.
Perhaps I'll toss the bones and see what comes up tonight. What else is there to do?
ReplyDeleteYup. It was a tough one - it still is.
The addict I am - I have been watching all the oldies. Yesterday, I watched "Charlie Brown's Christmas." I wept and wept.
When I was the Church School Director (I know, I know you can't believe I was allowed that function - I was actually pretty good at it ) I read the Luke passage that Linus recites, every Christmas Eve. Surrounded by little girls dressed as angels - their costumes simple white sheets tied with ribbon - little battery operated candles in their chubby hands. A Mary and Joseph and the animals. All of them so damn excited.
Some of the oldest of them have children of their own now.
yeah.
This Libra is ready for 2020 to be fini.
The pain of loss was much greater than the first 6 months after he died. I think - like most people who lose someone who is your world - you walk around in shock in the beginning. I did for a long while.
Almost convincing myself he was just a dream.
Then 2020 turned into the real dreadful feeling of loss - and sharp, bad, pain. About the loneliness after all those so many years - with never a bad or harsh word between us. Oh shit - I gotta stop. I'm welling.
But there was some healing - some ability to believe I could move forward. That I could love that desperately crazy, again.
I hope.
The Libra is best balanced and with a partner. I have Goals. Dreams. Things to push on forward in the New Age of Aquarius.
Would Mr. Fixit like me as his Girl? Ya think? Is my type? You know my type. It would have to be monthly visits to start.
He's a Trumper tho. Right? I can't do that.
I don't get that combo - an artist astrology loving trumpet. *shrug*
Anyway. I am hoping hoping that you, dear buddy, have a healing year. Find your own true love, maybe. Sell a bunch of pictures. Take a bunch. Whatever would be a balm to what you've been through. Yuppy. That's what I wish.
Though I can't wish it on the Conjunction Bethlehem star tonight because it is effing cloudy. WTF. A major sky watcher. And I'm going to miss it. 2020 whoooowheeeee.
Okies. I left you poems first you know.
TO KNOW THE DARK
To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.
Wendell Berry